There is very instructive incident involving the life of Alexander, the
great Greek king. Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning
home. On the way, he fell ill and it took him to his death bed.
With death staring him in his face, Alexander realized how his conquests,
his great army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no consequence.
He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last
adieu.
But, he had to accept the fact that his sinking health would not permit him
to reach his distant homeland. So, the mighty conqueror lay prostrate and
pale, helplessly waiting to breathe his last.
He called his generals and said, "I will depart from this world soon, I
have three wishes, please carry them out without fail." With tears flowing
down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their king's last
wishes.
"My first desire is that," said Alexander, "My physicians alone must carry
my coffin."
After a pause, he continued, "Secondly, I desire that when my coffin is
being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard be strewn
with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my
treasury."
The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's rest and
continued. "My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept dangling
out of my coffin."
The people who had gathered there wondered at the king's strange wishes.
But no one dare bring the question to their lips.
Alexander's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart.
"O king, we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us
why do you make such strange wishes?"
At this Alexander took a deep breath and said: "I would like the world to
know of the three lessons I have just learnt.
I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that
no doctor can really cure anybody. They are powerless and cannot save a
person from the clutches of death. So let not people take life for granted.
The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the
graveyard is to tell people that not even a fraction of gold will come with
me. I spent all my life earning riches but cannot take anything with me.
Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.
And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I
wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty
handed I go out of this world." With these words, the king closed his eyes.
Soon he let death conquer him and breathed his last.
Jokes of the Day
Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan got married
After marriage, lots of students gather at their home ..... why ???
because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)
*********
Rahul gandhi -- mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi
Sonia gandhi -- kyun beta?
Rahul gandhi -- har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do
**********
BRUCE LEE was a great man
But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...
Why?
Because he became MAMU LEE!
********
santa and banta are discussing-- -------
santa----- "if i drink coffee, i can’t sleep!!!!"
Banta----- "with me it's the opposite. if i sleep i can't drink coffee."
********
One day Ravan went to a disco, aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya ...
kyun?
because it was written on the gate that "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"
**********
Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. Toh naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.
Kyun?
Think...
Give up??
Coz...
"Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.."
***********
if a CAT crosses ur way, when u are going some where, then what does it mean????????
it means that the Cat is also going somewhere.
After marriage, lots of students gather at their home ..... why ???
because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)
*********
Rahul gandhi -- mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi
Sonia gandhi -- kyun beta?
Rahul gandhi -- har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do
**********
BRUCE LEE was a great man
But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...
Why?
Because he became MAMU LEE!
********
santa and banta are discussing-- -------
santa----- "if i drink coffee, i can’t sleep!!!!"
Banta----- "with me it's the opposite. if i sleep i can't drink coffee."
********
One day Ravan went to a disco, aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya ...
kyun?
because it was written on the gate that "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"
**********
Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. Toh naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.
Kyun?
Think...
Give up??
Coz...
"Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.."
***********
if a CAT crosses ur way, when u are going some where, then what does it mean????????
it means that the Cat is also going somewhere.
Fwd: Boss - "You sit in my chair......."
A keen immigrant Indian Goan lad applied for a salesman's job at London 's premier downtown department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes sir, I was a salesman in Bambolim Beach, Goa, India ", replied the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you."
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?" "Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman. "Only one sale?" blurted the boss. "No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. "If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way "How much was the sale worth?" “300534.00 pounds" said the young Goan.
"What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.
I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about 100 Pounds worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"
"No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a box of Sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Sir, Your weekend is screwed anyway, you might as well go fishing."
Boss - "You sit in my chair......."
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?" "Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman. "Only one sale?" blurted the boss. "No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. "If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way "How much was the sale worth?" “300534.00 pounds" said the young Goan.
"What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.
I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about 100 Pounds worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"
"No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a box of Sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Sir, Your weekend is screwed anyway, you might as well go fishing."
Boss - "You sit in my chair......."
Today's Message of the Day is:
Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.
Send to all the people you love and don't want to lose in 2009.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should laugh and dance.
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.
Send to all the people you love and don't want to lose in 2009.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should laugh and dance.
Why me...
Sometimes we understand a message when it is simply illustrated. .......and you question God - 'why me?'....
always look at the bigger picture....
A day without the Lord - Is a day wasted.
God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.. .
Thank God for the stuff that didn't hit you!
always look at the bigger picture....
A day without the Lord - Is a day wasted.
God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.. .
Thank God for the stuff that didn't hit you!
Male & Female Brain Analysis
Women - Multiple process
Women's brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time.
Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe.
Men - Single Process
Men's brain designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch a TV and talking in phone same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can either watch TV or talk over phone or cook.
LANGUAGE.
Women can easily learn many languages. Her brain set up. But can not find the solutions to problems Men can not easily learn languages; he can easily solve the problems.
3 year old gal has three times higher vocabulary than 3 year old boy.
ANALYTICAL SKILL
Men's brain has lot of space for handling the analytical process. So easily he can analyze and find the solution for a process. He can design (blue print) a map of a building easily.
If a complex map is viewed by women, she can not understand it. She can not understand the details of the map easily. For her it is dump of lines in a paper.
CAR DRIVING.
While driving a car, men's analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fastly. If he see an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and driving accordingly. Where as women take a long time to recognize the object direction/ speed. His single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any), then concentrating only on the driving.
You can often watch, while men driving the car fastly, the women sit next to him will shout, "GO SLOW" , "CARE FULL", "AAHHH", "OHH GOD.." etc..
LIE
Many times, when men lie to women face to face, they got caught easily.
Her super natural brain observe the facial expression 70%, and the body language 20% and the words comes from mouth 10%. So he is easily caught while lieing.
Men's brain does not have this.
Women easily lie to men face to face. So guys, While lieing to your girls, use phone, or letter or close all the lights or cover your/her face with blanket. Don't lie face to face.
PROBLEM.
End of day, if men have lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and put into individual rooms of brain, the problems in individual room of brain and finding the solution one by one. You can see many guys looking on the sky's for a long times. If you disturb him, he gets irritated.
End of Day, if women have lot of problems, her brain can not classify the problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry abt the problem solved or not.
WANTS
Men want status, success, solutions, big process... etc Women want relationship, friends, family...etc.
UNHAPPY
If women unhappy with their relations, she can not concentrate on work.
If men unhappy with their work, he can not concentrate on the relations.
MAP
Men can easily locate the place in a complex map. His analytical brain does this. While watching a cricket match in a stadium with full of crowd, men can leave his seat to T shop and keeps everything in his mind and comes back to his seat with out problems. He uses his analytical skills space of brain.
Women can't do this. They often lost their way to their seat.
LIFE
Life is very easy to Men. One good job, one alcohol bottle is enough for him.
Women want everything in life.
SPEECH
Women use indirect languages in speech.
Geetha asked Vijay, "vijay do you like to have a cup of coffee?"
This means, Geetha really want a cup of coffee.
In the morning......."Darling, do you think, will it be good to have an Omlette for breakfast"
Men use direct language. "Geetha, I want to have a cup of coffee, Pls stop the car when you see a coffee shop". In the morning...."Darling, Can you please prepare an omelet for breakfast".
HANDLING EMOTION
Women talk a lot without thinking, if they are in emotion.
Men act a lot with out thinking. That's why many of prisoners are men all over the world.
Women's brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time.
Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe.
Men - Single Process
Men's brain designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch a TV and talking in phone same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can either watch TV or talk over phone or cook.
LANGUAGE.
Women can easily learn many languages. Her brain set up. But can not find the solutions to problems Men can not easily learn languages; he can easily solve the problems.
3 year old gal has three times higher vocabulary than 3 year old boy.
ANALYTICAL SKILL
Men's brain has lot of space for handling the analytical process. So easily he can analyze and find the solution for a process. He can design (blue print) a map of a building easily.
If a complex map is viewed by women, she can not understand it. She can not understand the details of the map easily. For her it is dump of lines in a paper.
CAR DRIVING.
While driving a car, men's analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fastly. If he see an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and driving accordingly. Where as women take a long time to recognize the object direction/ speed. His single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any), then concentrating only on the driving.
You can often watch, while men driving the car fastly, the women sit next to him will shout, "GO SLOW" , "CARE FULL", "AAHHH", "OHH GOD.." etc..
LIE
Many times, when men lie to women face to face, they got caught easily.
Her super natural brain observe the facial expression 70%, and the body language 20% and the words comes from mouth 10%. So he is easily caught while lieing.
Men's brain does not have this.
Women easily lie to men face to face. So guys, While lieing to your girls, use phone, or letter or close all the lights or cover your/her face with blanket. Don't lie face to face.
PROBLEM.
End of day, if men have lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and put into individual rooms of brain, the problems in individual room of brain and finding the solution one by one. You can see many guys looking on the sky's for a long times. If you disturb him, he gets irritated.
End of Day, if women have lot of problems, her brain can not classify the problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry abt the problem solved or not.
WANTS
Men want status, success, solutions, big process... etc Women want relationship, friends, family...etc.
UNHAPPY
If women unhappy with their relations, she can not concentrate on work.
If men unhappy with their work, he can not concentrate on the relations.
MAP
Men can easily locate the place in a complex map. His analytical brain does this. While watching a cricket match in a stadium with full of crowd, men can leave his seat to T shop and keeps everything in his mind and comes back to his seat with out problems. He uses his analytical skills space of brain.
Women can't do this. They often lost their way to their seat.
LIFE
Life is very easy to Men. One good job, one alcohol bottle is enough for him.
Women want everything in life.
SPEECH
Women use indirect languages in speech.
Geetha asked Vijay, "vijay do you like to have a cup of coffee?"
This means, Geetha really want a cup of coffee.
In the morning......."Darling, do you think, will it be good to have an Omlette for breakfast"
Men use direct language. "Geetha, I want to have a cup of coffee, Pls stop the car when you see a coffee shop". In the morning...."Darling, Can you please prepare an omelet for breakfast".
HANDLING EMOTION
Women talk a lot without thinking, if they are in emotion.
Men act a lot with out thinking. That's why many of prisoners are men all over the world.
Stress Buster
The Best way to escape from a Problem is to solve it
Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go. _______________________________________________________________
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
_______________________________________________________________
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
__________________________________________________________________________ Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
_______________________________________________________________
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR ___________________________________________________________________________ Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..
_______________________________________________________________
A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "
___________________________________________________________________________ A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
_______________________________________________________________
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
__________________________________________________________________________
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
_______________________________________________________________
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!! __________________________________________________________________________ Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
_______________________________________________________________
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"
___________________________________________________________________
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What R U doing...?"
Sardar replied- " B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar"
_______________________________________________________________
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
____________________________________________________________________ A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
_______________________________________________________________
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
___________________________________________________________________________ Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!
_______________________________________________________________
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........
________________________________________________________________________ Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!
Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go. _______________________________________________________________
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
_______________________________________________________________
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
__________________________________________________________________________ Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
_______________________________________________________________
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR ___________________________________________________________________________ Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..
_______________________________________________________________
A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "
___________________________________________________________________________ A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
_______________________________________________________________
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
__________________________________________________________________________
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
_______________________________________________________________
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!! __________________________________________________________________________ Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
_______________________________________________________________
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"
___________________________________________________________________
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What R U doing...?"
Sardar replied- " B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar"
_______________________________________________________________
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
____________________________________________________________________ A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
_______________________________________________________________
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
___________________________________________________________________________ Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!
_______________________________________________________________
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........
________________________________________________________________________ Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!
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